Ice Cream & Parking Lots
A Lesson in Self-Abandonment
When I was about six years old, my parents, my brother, and I went out for ice cream on the way home from Sunday night church. This was an amazing treat, and very rare because my dad wasn’t working or sleeping to prepare for an early shift. The joy of this unexpected outing remains vivid in my mind, but so does the sudden pang of fear and abandonment that followed.
I don’t remember exactly how it happened, but my parents got into the car before my brother and I. My dad started the car, and my mom, from her open window, said to us, "See ya later," and they drove off. As they left the parking lot, I burst into tears, real fear coursing through my veins. My brother, who was 10 or 11 at the time, said angrily, "Stop crying. They'll come back. They can't actually leave us here."
Exacerbating the problem was the fact that my mom had recently read me a book called *The Suitcases* about three little sisters whose mom and dad did actually leave them. I loved that story, but perhaps in hindsight it the best read-aloud story for her super-sensitive daughter.
FWIW, my parents weren’t trying to be cruel. They didn’t intend for this prank to be anything but funny. Despite that, over the years, this childhood memory has often surfaced in my mind when I am not treating myself with kindness. Even when we know what's best for us, we sometimes drive off and leave ourselves stranded and crying. This self-abandonment creates fear and rage within us. It can cause us to lose trust in ourselves and our ability to care for ourselves
Self-Abandonment
Self-abandonment manifests in various ways: ignoring our needs, silencing our inner voice, or failing to show ourselves the compassion we readily offer to others. These little acts of betrayal accumulate, fostering deep-seated feelings of fear and anger. My brother’s anger and my tears in that parking lot are symbolic of the emotional turmoil we experience when we abandon parts of ourselves.
We might tell ourselves, “It’s just a small thing, it doesn’t matter,” but these small things can have a lasting impact. Just as my parents' brief absence felt like an eternity to my little heart, these moments of self-neglect can feel deep and enduring.
Going Back to the Parking Lot
To heal from self-abandonment, we must first acknowledge the ways we've betrayed ourselves. It's crucial to make peace with these actions and to understand that everyone makes mistakes. By extending love and compassion to ourselves, we can begin to rebuild trust within.
Here are some steps to start the healing process:
Acknowledge the Abandonment: Recognize the instances where you've ignored or betrayed your needs.
Forgive Yourself: Understand that self-abandonment often stems from past conditioning or survival mechanisms.
Reconnect with Your Inner Self: Spend time listening to your inner voice and honoring your needs and desires.
Show Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a loved one.
Think of this process as an opportunity to go back to the parking lot and make new decisions. It is a chance for you to take the hand of past-you and work through the issue, so that future-you gets a fresh start.
An Invitation to Breakthrough
If you find yourself struggling with self-abandonment, consider joining me for a Breakthrough Coaching Intensive. This 90-minute session is designed to set you on the right path, helping you reconnect with and honor your true self. To see if this would be helpful for you, I’m offering a free 20-minute chat. Together, we can explore the ways you might be abandoning yourself and create a plan for moving forward with love and compassion.
By the way…
My parents came back after what was likely only 45 seconds, but it felt like an eternity to my tender little heart. This experience taught me how even small moments of abandonment can feel deeply significant. By acknowledging and addressing these feelings, we can heal and prevent further self-abandonment.
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Schedule your free 20-minute chat today and take the first step towards healing from self-abandonment. You deserve to feel whole and cared for, inside and out.
Xo,
Leah