Notes from the Week (Week 34 & 35)

Hard Lessons Learned

Hello Lovelies!

When I woke up this morning I realized I hadn’t written this newsletter for a couple weeks. As I look at my calendar, I wondered a bit what has distracted me. Yes, I’ve been very busy coaching and starting a Future Leaders Program. Yes, I’ve been busy working with a company on their travel/payments strategy. Yes, I’ve been busy with Wayfinder Life Coach Training. Ultimately…none of it is the reason.

So when I sit with the weeks, what comes to mind is that I’ve been learning some interesting things about myself. Some things I knew but feel have solidified in my understanding, while others are a bit fresher.

For instance, when I chose the book “The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control” for my instagram Friday book club (@leahfarmercoaching). I didn’t expect it to teach me so much. I wouldn’t have said I was a perfectionist by nature, but I didn’t know the variety of types of perfectionists. Discovering that I was a Parisian Perfectionist (someone who intensely desires deep and PERFECT relationships) and an Intense Perfectionist (someone who’s standards are a bit outrageous for themselves and others) was like being hit over the head with a hammer of understanding.

I want so much to connect with people and have tried to do so even to my own detriment…but I also want so much for others to meet and understand my intensity about the way things SHOULD be. Fortunately for the people in my world (and for me), I’ve spent a lot of time working on these things over the years.

The other learning for me…this one a bit more known and obvious to me…is that there is a tension that I hold between wanting to be liked and wanting to be entirely and authentically myself (ambition, intensity, and work ethic included). I always wished I was one of those “I don’t care if they like me” people, but I am not. But I can now say I am far more interested in being myself than being liked.

And that shift is key for me because it means I won’t bend myself into a pretzel just to be included or to be engaged in community. Instead it means I will seek like-minded and lovely people that are suited to me and appreciate the pace of my brain and work instead of criticizing it.

Ultimately as I coach more and more people, what comes forward for me are the lessons that I have wanted to learn and (in some cases) ignored. I could always blame the lack of learning on the pace of my job, but now the job itself is teaching me so much about myself. And with each passing day, I am finding I like who I’ve turned out to be more and more.

Next week I plan to be back to better summarizing my week.

Until then…Xx