Oct 2020: Notes in the Margins
Shades of Grey
In October, we moved our clocks back making our mornings a tiny bit brighter and our afternoons much darker. While this isn't Stockholm level darkness, it does take some adjusting to and I found that the cats were not happy with the changes to their feeding times.
A lot has happened in October but something I want to focus on and talk about is my hair. Yup…I said it…my hair!
In the late summer of 2019 I decided I was tired of fighting the dye war. I would get my hair colored to match my natural dark brown, only to have tendrils of grey start to grow out in a couple of weeks. It was an expensive and frustrating habit, but I wasn't sure I was ready for what came next.
I'd happily tell anyone who cares about the terrible bleach experience I had trying to solve this another way, the 14 long months it took to grow my hair out long enough that the remaining dye could be cut out, the relentless months of bad and uneven regrowth from a terrible haircut. But that's beside the point.
What is the point is that apparently choosing to go grey at 44 is a topic worthy of much debate…
Have you thought about how your communication style will change at work now that you are admitting you are older?
Won't it make you feel like you've given up?
Do you worry that you'll be too frumpy?
What about dating? Aren't men already more interested in younger women? Won't this make it harder to find someone?
The answers are: (1) Ummmm, no but now I guess I have to think about it, (2) Nope, (3) Frumpy is not something I do, and (4) I'm not really looking, but if I were, I'd pass right by someone who would be put off by my grey hair.
Ultimately it is less grey than I thought it would be and more grey than most people realize until they are up close or in the right light. It is a beautiful color. My curl has recovered from all that terrible dye. Some days it still catches me off guard to see a silver curl framing my face in the mirror.
But every single damn time I see my hair I think "This is who I am. That is my hair.
And it is beautiful.” I am surprised by how much I love leaning into this change. How much I love that it makes me feel confident and certain of what it means to live in my own skin. If anything, being myself makes me feel sexier and more vibrant rather than old and frumpy. I didn't expect that outcome, but I'm so very grateful for it.
And now I can use that money for dye on botox. [KIDDING!] ;)
A few other things happened in October:
Sara and Zach had a virtual gender reveal party and we are having a baby girl! I look forward to covid taking a hike so I can go home in late spring to rock that sweet baby and shower her with lots of auntie love
I took my Product Managers and Tech Leads out to dinner…separately. Some of them I haven't seen at all since March and a few didn't report to me the last time I saw them in person. It was good to just spend time together over a meal and we snuck it in just under the wire with this new lockdown!
I had several meals with friends from all over Berlin. The Klarna crew was strongly represented, but I also got to spend time with two different Stephanies, and my favorite boss
I started a new class which kicked off with the first half of an Everest Simulation. My role in this simulation is that as an Environmentalist, I care more about cleaning up on the mountain that summiting (I've apparently been to the summit two other times). So old tents, lots of human poop, and dead bodies here I come!
My reading was SLOW this month with so much school work and other distractions. I was able to finish:
Organizational Change by Thomas Cawsey
Kitchen Table Tarot by Melissa Cynova
The Long Distance Leader by Kevin Eikenberry
Practical Remote Team Leadership by Emanuela Giangregorio
Of these my favorite by far was Kitchen Table Tarot. The writing is funny, educational, and helpful. I recommend it to any novice trying to get a better understanding of Tarot.
Happy Autumn Friends! And trust me…in 2020, it is never too early to put up your Christmas tree!