The Hidden Cost of "Yes"

And why I’m learning to stop putting on the cape.

I’ve said yes so many times when I didn’t want to. When I didn’t have the capacity. When the truth was no, but fear whispered “don’t rock the boat.”

It’s an old pattern, rooted in old fears. I’ve feared being seen as not a team player. I’ve feared that if I say no, someone might decide I’m not capable or not valuable. And honestly? I’ve feared being disliked.

Even now—despite all I know about my own worth, despite the trust I have in the quality of my work, and despite the fact that I am a team player and also an entrepreneur—I still catch myself tempted to put on the cape. To swoop in. To fix it all.

But here's the truth: That cape has gotten heavy.

Every “yes” I give that isn't rooted in honesty comes with a cost. The cost is time I don't get back. It's space I lose for learning or doing things I love. It's deeper self-doubt, especially when I realize I abandoned my own priorities to meet someone else's.

And it’s not just me. I hear this from my coaching clients all the time. The people-pleasing. The high-achiever reflex. The need to be liked, trusted, seen as competent—especially for women, and especially for those of us who had to earn our seat at the table five times over.

But saying yes to everything isn’t a badge of honor. It’s often a sign that an old part of us is still running the show.

Those younger parts of me—the ones who learned that worth comes from being helpful, capable, indispensable—they deserve my compassion. But they aren’t mature enough to be in charge anymore.

I’ve learned that saying no isn’t selfish. It’s honest. It’s strategic. And it’s the only way I can say yes to the things that really matter.

So if you find yourself trapped in the loop of overcommitting and undernourishing your own needs, you’re not alone. This is something we can unlearn—together.

If this resonates, and you want to explore what it looks like to start saying yes from a place of truth (and no from a place of strength), I’d love to help. This is the heart of my coaching work: helping you reclaim your energy, your voice, and your right to put yourself on the list.

You can book a free intro chat with me anytime. Let’s talk about what you want to stop saying yes to—and what you’d rather say yes to instead.