My dad was 48 when I was 8 years old.
I’m not exactly sure why that thought has rolled through my head on repeat this week since my birthday last Sunday. Maybe it’s because he’s been on my mind a lot since the new year. Maybe it’s because I’m an age that I thought was “old” when I was younger…but don’t feel old.
Or maybe…I’m in transition and wondering about his midlife transitions.
By the time I was 8 years old my dad was driving a truck full time. He had given up his passion for church planting and ministry. He worked alone, doing something that gave him freedom and a good paycheck. His most frequent statement about that decision during my growing-up years was “I just couldn’t handle working for ‘the brethren’ again after how I’d been treated.” (“The Brethren” being elders in the Churches of Christ.)
Fast forward to today…I’ve walked away from my passion for Product Leadership and am transitioning to a new career. Granted…I’ve been lucky to transition to a profession I’m excited about, but there are some elements that feel reminiscent of my dad speaking about preaching and church planting.
What is also similar is that I hear myself regularly say, “I can never imagine working for these guys again after how badly I was treated in my last couple roles.” (“These guys” being founders of tech companies.)
As I really consider this I realize that my dad and I had the unfortunate tendency to not have patience for other people’s bad decisions and to have such high standards for ourselves that we would walk away if we felt asked to do less than our best for the people we served.
I think what we both likely did was avoid some specific groups of people to keep ourselves from being hurt any further. Is that self-protection? Is it courageous? Or is it unfortunate? Was there an element of not trusting ourselves mixed in with not trust others?
As I fall more and more in love with my role as coach, the tightness around my heart from leaving Product loosens. I also recognize that I have something to offer in the universal struggle my clients feel in trusting themselves.
It is so easy to get shaken up by some unkindness or unfairness from others that we turn a questioning and doubtful eye on ourselves…often when we’ve done nothing to deserve our own uncertainty and doubt. When we can instead hold ourselves accountable for our role in difficult situations without taking on any of the other person’s bad behavior, narcissism, or toxicity…there can be a rebirth of trust.
And with the trust comes a wind of hope!
That hope showed up in my dad’s life when he started preaching again in his retirement. And the hope shows up in me each time I log in to talk to a client and we work some problem together to a new and more beautiful place.
So this is 48. Still so much to learn. Still so many lessons to share.
xx
L