Whose Voice Is That?

Rewriting the Narratives We Carry

Throughout our lives, we collect stories about who we are. Some come from praise and support. Others come from criticism, fear, or misunderstanding. Over time, those stories begin to narrate our lives, often without us realizing it.

But what if the voice in your head (yes, the rude one that questions your worth or drives you to prove yourself) isn’t actually your voice? What if it belongs to someone else?

That voice might sound familiar, but it might not be your truth. It could be something a parent once said in frustration. A teacher’s passing comment. A former boss who rewarded performance over presence. These voices don’t always mean harm, but they leave a mark. And sometimes, we carry them long after they’ve stopped being helpful.

The Voices We Inherit

We don’t come into the world with a clear story about who we are. That gets built, moment by moment, shaped by the people around us.

Dr. Daniel Siegel, a leading voice in interpersonal neurobiology, teaches that our minds are formed in relationship. The way others speak to us, see us, and respond to us shapes our inner world. Over time, we internalize those voices. And sometimes, we let them keep talking long after the conversation has ended.

Some of those voices become a steady source of encouragement. Others become harsh critics, worried protectors, or outdated rules we feel we have to follow.

And it’s not just other people’s voices we carry. Some come from parts of ourselves that are trying to make sense of the past or keep us safe in the future. Those parts are sometimes young, wounded, hopeful, naive…you name it, there can be a voice for that.

The Inner Narrator Isn’t Always Right

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned, and help clients work through, is this: Just because you hear a voice doesn’t mean it’s telling the truth.

In The Untethered Soul, Michael A. Singer writes,

“There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind—you are the one who hears it.”

This idea is simple but powerful. When we begin to notice the narrator instead of automatically believing it, we create space. We gain perspective. And with perspective comes choice.

A Journaling Practice: What Do You Want Me to Know?

If you’re hearing a voice that feels stuck, scared, or just really loud lately, try this:

1. Write down exactly what it’s saying. Let it be messy or mean. Don’t filter. Get it all out on the page.

2. Ask the voice one question:
   What do you want me to know today, in this moment?

3. Listen. Often, even the harshest voice is trying to help. Maybe it’s protecting you from disappointment or reminding you of something that once felt true.

4. Respond with kindness. You don’t have to agree. Just acknowledge it. Let that part know you heard it.

This isn’t about fixing the voice. It’s about building a relationship with the part of you that created it. That’s where healing starts.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Sorting through all of this (what’s true, what’s old, what’s yours to keep and what you’re ready to release) can be deep work. And it’s often easier with someone by your side.

If this resonates with you and you want support unpacking the narratives you carry, I’d love to work together. This is the kind of coaching I love most…gentle, curious, and grounded in the belief that you already hold the truth inside you.

Let’s find your voice again.

xx
Leah